There has been a lot of stress and adjustment for me the last few weeks in nearly evey dimension of my life. I have been so very worried about working more, my broken arm, my daughter, my husband and it keeps rolling into a bigger and bigger ball that I am then worried it may just knock me over.
I worry.
I know this about myself and I know I need to work hard to let things go, to let things pass over me. I know I need to start the day afresh and put my mistakes in a spot where I can learn from them but not beat myself up from them. I know I am imperfect but sometimes I still think I should be perfect. It can be so easy to know these things but so hard to act on them, at least for me.
From alanon, I have learned to repeat the serenity prayer in times of stress. If there is just one wish I have for me, for my family, and for everyone it is to feel serene. Serenity comes with patience and practice and letting go. It is a most blessed feeling. It is not easy for me - but I know I feel so much better when I accept the prayer and invite its wisdom into my life. I feel so much better when I am open.
It makes me happy.
And as a fresh blanket of snow covers the ground outside, I am reminded of all the recent things that make me happy:
It makes me happy to see snow on the tree branches and in the mountains.
It makes me happy to start to let go.
It makes me happy to see friends and meet new friends at holiday parties.
It makes me happy that our holiday party, last Sunday, was such a success!
It makes me happy to think about skiing with my family so very soon.
It makes me happy to have some time today to exercise and go to the bookstore in search of a gift.
It makes me happy to plan for another summer at camp.
It makes me happy to have friends and a husband who will listen to my worries and kindly reassure me.
It makes me happy to have spent a sweet day with my daughter yesterday: at the library, at lunch, and at home.
It makes me happy to exercise (even a little) and shower in the beginning of my day.
It makes me happy to have a plan to make peppermint bark with a friend and pass it out as a holiday gift.
It makes me happy to know Christmas is coming.
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