Kayak and swimming. Eating outside and roasting marshmallows.
I love the recent weather but I wish I loved it more. It is tinged with this terrible feeling that something is terribly wrong. It makes me worry. Worry and worry about the the future, my children's future the most. Even so, it is hard not to enjoy the warmth of the sun.
Then the cold rushes in.
And this feels warm , too. The shared inside experience.
The push and pull this time of year - desiring to be outside but the outside is not quite ready yet. The snow is followed by the sun and then the rain and then the sun. Certainly, this is what builds the roots for the flowers and plants. The soil is rich and dark creating the beginnings of a plant life than I almost do not remember existed before. But it was there last summer and it seems that it is coming back once again.
One reason I enjoy writing this blog is that it helps me see how all of this is enough. This, I suppose, is my life. Looking at my life in simple words and simple photos lets me savor these moments, these times, more. I feel more grateful. I feel more serenity.
I am learning to let go of expectations. It is a process that has been going on for months and still feels like a baby wrapped in a blanket. But I am learning that expectations don't really help anything and, in fact, just lead me to experience that ugly feeling of being let down. And I don't have to feel that way - if I loosen my grip and let it unfold as is. Because that is where delightful surprises happen, simple moments, and life's fullness. That is where the now is.
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